god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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