you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
