Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
