I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
