I swear she didn't look like that last week.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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