This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
