i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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