Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
