Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
