I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
