Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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