Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
