He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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