I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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