Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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