dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
