Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
