the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
