remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
