Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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