Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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