Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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