This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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