Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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