we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize