So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
