Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
