so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
