DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize