I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we're so committed to being not committed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
