i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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