so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
