now i know why i became what i already was.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
