yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
