You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
