Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
