She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
