do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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