So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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