Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
