I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
