so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize