If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
