She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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