Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize