i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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