based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
