I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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