I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
thus making me awesome and them whores
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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