If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
