I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
