he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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