i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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