I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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