So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
