You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it was like eating out sand paper
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
