Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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