life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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