I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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