the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
