if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
