Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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