youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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