why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
