Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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