Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
