you lied. pity sex is amazing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
