3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
