After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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